went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
