I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
