Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
