i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i out mim tonsoeep
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