Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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