So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
