my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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