Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
