I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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