hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You pole danced in your parka.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
