Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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