she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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