cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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