She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't turn off my feet"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
