if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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