A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
