Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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