I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
