Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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