I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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