Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
