Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i love accidental penises.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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