I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
