we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
