Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
