So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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