That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
