You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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