please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
