y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
