Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we made out on top of his cat.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
