I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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