Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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