he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
