Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize