My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
