Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
