my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
