My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
