I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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