A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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