the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
