: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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