I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
