just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
