I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize