I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
