they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
