He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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