my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
