Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
