i don't plan on having that self control this summer
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
