End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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