FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
