I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
