I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
