Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
