dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
