if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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