WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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