Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think thatβs a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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