Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
