just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
