drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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