you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize