Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
