Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
