Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize