That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
