you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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