i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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