Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
