too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
