New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
