also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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