nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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