Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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