did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
