last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
