What did we do last night that was yellow?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
